第11章

Evewon’tgetanyleavetillEaster;andIcanbequitealone，andseetoNolliehere。Theservantscanhaveaholiday——，NurseandI

willrunthehousetogether。Ishallenjoyit。"

"You’reagoodwoman，Thirza！"Takinghiswife’shand，heputittohislips。"Thereisn’tanotherwomanlikeyouintheworld。"

Thirza’seyessmiled。"Passmeyourcup;I’llgiveyousomefreshcoffee。"

Itwasdecidedtoputtheplanintooperationatmid—month，andshebentallherwitstoinstillingintoherhusbandthethoughtthatababymoreorlesswasnogreatmatterinaworldwhichalreadycontainedtwelvehundredmillionpeople。Withaman’skeenersenseoffamilypropriety，hecouldnotseethatthisbabywouldbethesameasanyotherbaby。"Byheaven！"hewouldsay，"Isimplycan’tgetusedtoit;inourfamily！AndTedaparson！Whatthedevilshallwedowithit？"

"IfNolliewillletus，whyshouldn’tweadoptit？It’llbesomethingtotakemythoughtsofftheboys。"

"That’sanidea！ButTed’safunnyfellow。He’llhavesomedoctrineofatonement，orotherinhisbonnet。"

"Oh，bother！"saidThirzawithasperity。

ThethoughtofsojourningintownforaspellwasnotunpleasanttoBobPierson。HisTribunalworkwasover，hisearly，potatoesin，andhehadvisionsofworkingfortheCountry，ofbeingaspecialconstable，anddiningathisClub。Thenearerhewastothefront，andthemorehecouldtalkaboutthewar，thegreatertheservicehefelthewouldbedoing。Hewouldaskforajobwherehisbrainswouldbeofuse。HeregrettedkeenlythatThirzawouldn’tbewithhim;alongseparationlikethiswouldbeagreattrial。Andhewouldsighandrunhisfingersthroughhiswhiskers。StillfortheCountry，andforNollie，onemustputupwithit！

WhenThirzafinallysawhimintothetrain，tearsstoodintheeyesofboth，fortheywerehonestlyattached，andknewwellenoughthatthisjob，oncetakeninhand，wouldhavetobeseenthrough;athreemonths’separationatleast。

"Ishallwriteeveryday。"

"SoshallI，Bob。"

"Youwon’tfret，oldgirl？"

"Onlyifyoudo。"

"Ishallbeupat5。5，andshe’llbedownat4。50。Giveusakiss——

damntheporters。Godblessyou！Isupposeshe’dmindif——I——weretocomedownnowandthen？"

"I’mafraidshewould。It’s——it’s——well，youknow。"

"Yes，Yes;Ido。"Andhereallydid;forunderneath，hehadtruedelicacy。

Herlastwords:"You’reverysweet，Bob，"remainedinhisearsallthewaytoSevernJunction。

Shewentbacktothehouse，emptiedofherhusband，daughter，boys，andmaids;onlythedogsleftandtheoldnursewhomshehadtakenintoconfidence。Eveninthatsheltered，woodedvalleyitwasverycoldthiswinter。Thebirdshidthemselves，notoneflowerbloomed，andthered—brownriverwasfullandswift。Thesoundoftreesbeingfelledfortrenchprops，inthewoodabovethehouseresoundedalldaylonginthefrostyair。Shemeanttodothecookingherself;andfortherestofthemorningandearlyafternoonsheconcoctednicethings，andthoughtouthowsheherselfwouldfeelifshewereNoelandNoelshe，soastosmoothoutofthewayanythingwhichwouldhurtthegirl。Intheafternoonshewentdowntothestationinthevillagecar，thesamewhichhadborneCyrilMorlandawaythatJulynight，fortheircoachmanhadbeentakenforthearmy，andthehorseswereturnedout。

Noellookedtiredandwhite，butcalm——toocalm。HerfaceseemedtoThirzatohavefineddown，andwiththosebroodingeyes，tobemorebeautiful。Inthecarshepossessedherselfofthegirl’shand，andsqueezedithard;theironlyallusiontothesituation，exceptNoel’sformal:

"Thankyousomuch，Auntie，forhavingme;it’smostawfullysweetofyouandUncleBob。"

"There’snooneinthehouse，mydear，exceptoldNurse。It’llbeverydullforyou;butIthoughtI’dteachyoutocook;it’sratheruseful。"

ThesmilewhichslippedontoNoel’sfacegaveThirzaquiteaturn。

Shehadassignedthegirladifferentroom，andhadmadeitextraordinarilycheerfulwithalogfire，chrysanthemums，brightcoppercandlesticks，warming—pans，andsuchlike。

Shewentupwithheratbedtime，andstandingbeforethefire，said:

"Youknow，Nollie，Iabsolutelyrefusetoregardthisasanysortoftragedy。Tobringlifeintotheworldsinthesedays，nomatter—

how，oughttomakeanyonehappy。IonlywishIcoulddoitagain，thenIshouldfeelsomeuse。Goodnightdear;andifyouwantanything，knockonthewall。I’mnextdoor。Blessyou！"Shesawthatthegirlwasgreatlymoved，underneathherpalemask;andwentoutastonishedatherniece’spowersofself—control。

Butshedidnotsleepatallwell;forinimagination，shekeptonseeingNoelturningfromsidetosideinthebigbed，andthosegreateyesofhersstaringatthedark。

2

ThemeetingofthebrothersPiersontookplaceatthedinner—hour，andwascharacterisedbyatrulyEnglishlackofdisplay。Theyweresoextremelydifferent，andhadbeentogethersolittlesinceearlydaysintheiroldBuckinghamshirehome，thattheywerepracticallystrangers，withjustthepotentlinkoffar—distantmemoriesincommon。Itwasofthesetheytalked，andaboutthewar。Onthissubjecttheyagreedinthelarge，anddifferedinthenarrow。Forinstance，boththoughttheyknewaboutGermanyandothercountries，andneitherofcoursehadanyrealknowledgeofanycountryoutsidetheirown;for，thoughbothhadpassedthroughconsiderabletractsofforeigngroundatonetimeoranother，theyhadneverremarkedanythingexceptitssurface，——itschurches，anditssunsets。Again，bothassumedthattheyweredemocrats，butneitherknewthemeaningoftheword，norfeltthattheworkingmancouldbereallytrusted;

andbothreveredChurchand，King:Bothdislikedconscription，butconsidereditnecessary。BothfavouredHomeRuleforIreland，butneitherthoughtitpossibletograntit。Bothwishedforthewartoend，butwereforprosecutingittoVictory，andneitherknewwhattheymeantbythatword。Somuchforthelarge。Onthenarrowerissues，suchasstrategy，andthepersonalityoftheircountry’sleaders，theywereopposed。EdwardwasaWesterner，RobertanEasterner，aswasnaturalinonewhohadlivedtwenty—fiveyearsinCeylon。Edwardfavouredthefallengovernment，Roberttherisen。

Neitherhadanyparticularreasonsfortheirpartisanshipexceptwhathehadreadinthejournals。Afterall——whatotherreasonscouldtheyhavehad？EdwarddislikedtheHarmswortbPress;Robertthoughtitwasdoinggood。Robertwasexplosive，andrathervague;Edwarddreamy，andalittledidactic。RobertthoughtpoorTedlookinglikeaghost;EdwardthoughtpoorBoblookinglikethesettingsun。Theirfaceswereindeedascuriouslycontrastedastheirviewsandvoices;

thepale—dark，hollowed，narrowfaceofEdward，withitsshort，pointedbeard，andthered—skinned，broad，full，whiskeredfaceofRobert。Theypartedforthenightwithanaffectionatehand—clasp。

Sobeganaqueerpartnershipwhichconsisted，asthedayswenton，ofhalfanhour’scompanionshipatbreakfast，eachreadingthepaper;

andofdinnertogetherperhapsthreetimesaweek。Eachthoughthisbrotherveryodd，butcontinuedtoholdthehighestopinionofhim。

And，behinditall，thedeeptribalsensethattheystoodtogetherintrouble，grew。Butofthattroubletheyneverspoke，thoughnotseldomRobertwouldlowerhisjournal，andabovetheglassesperchedonhiswell—shapednose，contemplatehisbrother，andalittlefrownofsympathywouldridgehisforeheadbetweenhisbushyeyebrows。AndonceinawayhewouldcatchEdward’seyescomingoffdutyfromhisjournal，tolook，notathisbrother，butat——theskeleton;whenthathappened，Robertwouldadjusthisglasseshastily，damnthenewspapertype，andapologisetoEdwardforswearing。Andhewouldthink:

’PoorTed！Heoughttodrinkport，and——andenjoyhimself，andforgetit。Whatapityhe’saparson！’

InhisletterstoThirzahewoulddeploreEdward’sasceticism。"Heeatsnothing，hedrinksnothing，hesmokesamiserablecigaretteonceinabluemoon。He’saslonelyasacoot;it’sathousandpitiesheeverlosthiswife。Iexpecttoseehiswingssproutanyday;but—

dashitallI——Idon’tbelievehe’sgotthefleshtogrowthemon。

Sendhimupsomeclottedcream;I’llseeifIcangethimtoeatit。"

Whenthecreamcame，hegotEdwardtoeatsomethefirstmorning，andatteatimefoundthathehadfinishedithimself。"WenevertalkaboutNollie，"hewrote，"I’malwaysmeaningtohaveitoutwithhimandtellhimtobuckup，butwhenitcomestothepointIdryup;

because，afterall，Ifeelittoo;itsticksinmygizzardhorribly。

WePiersonsareprettyold，andwe’vealwaysbeenrespectable，eversinceSt。Bartholomew，whenthatHuguenotchapcameoverandfoundedus。TheonlyblacksheepIeverheardofisCousinLeila。Bytheway，Isawhertheotherday;shecameroundheretoseeTed。I

remembergoingtostaywithherandherfirsthusband;youngFane，atSimla，whenIwascominghome，justbeforeweweremarried。Phew！

Thatwasaqueermenage;alltheyoungchapsflutteringroundher，andyoungFanelookinglikeacynicalghost。Evennowshecan’thelpsettinghercapalittleatTed，andheswallowsherwhole;thinksheradevotedcreaturereformedtothenineswithherhospitalandallthat。PooroldTed;heisthemostdreamychapthateverwas。"

"WehavehadGratianandherhusbandupfortheweek—end，"hewrotealittlelater;"Idon’tlikehersowellasNollie;tooseriousanddownrightforme。Herhusbandseemsasensiblefellow，though;butthedevilofafree—thinker。HeandpoorTedarelikecatanddog。

WehadLeilaintodinneragainonSaturday，andamancalledFortcametoo。She’ssweetonhim，Icouldseewithhalfaneye，butpooroldTedcan’t。ThedoctorandTedtalkeduphillanddowndale。Thedoctorsaidathingwhichstruckme。’Whatdividesusfromthebeasts？Willpower:nothingelse。What’sthiswar，really，butadeathcarnivalofproofthatman’swillisinvincible？’Istuckitdowntotellyou，whenIgotupstairs。He’sacleverfellow。I

believeinGod，asyouknow，butImustsaywhenitcomestoanargument，pooroldTeddoesseemabitweak，withhis:’We’retoldthis，’and’We’retoldthat:NobodymentionedNollie。ImusthavethewholethingoutwithTed;wemustknowhowtoactwhenit’sallover。"

ButnottillthemiddleofMarch，whenthebrothershadbeensittingoppositeeachotheratmealsfortwomonths，wasthesubjectbroachedbetweenthem，andthennotbyRobert。Edward，standingbythehearthafterdinner，inhisfamiliarattitude，onefootonthefender，onehandgraspingthemantel—shelf，andhiseyesfixedontheflames，said:"I’veneveraskedyourforgiveness，Bob。"

Robert，lingeringatthetableoverhisglassofport，started，lookedatEdward’sbackinitsparson’scoat，andanswered:

"Mydearoldchap！"

"Ithasbeenverydifficulttospeakofthis。"

"Ofcourse，ofcourse！"Andtherewasasilence，whileRobert’seyestravelledroundthewallsforinspiration。TheyencounteredonlytheeffigiesofpastPiersonsveryoilyworks，andfellbackonthedining—table。Edwardwentonspeakingtothefire:

"Itstillseemstomeincredible。DayandnightIthinkofwhatit’smydutytodo。"

"Nothing！"ejaculatedRobert。"LeavethebabywithThirza;we’lltakecareofit，andwhenNollie’sfit，lethergobacktoworkinahospitalagain。She’llsoongetoverit。"Hesawhisbrothershakehishead，andthought:’Ah！yes;nowthere’sgoingtobesomed——dconscientiouscomplication。’

Edwardturnedroundonhim:"Thatisverysweetofyouboth，butitwouldbewrongandcowardlyformetoallowit。"

Theresentmentwhichspringsupinfatherswhenotherfathersdisposeofyounglives，roseinRobert。

"Dashitall，mydearTed，that’sforNollietosay。She’sawomannow，remember。"

Asmilewentstrayingaboutintheshadowsofhisbrother’sface。"A

woman？LittleNollie！Bob，I’vemadeaterriblemessofitwithmygirls。"Hehidhislipswithhishand，andturnedagaintotheflames。Robertfeltalumpinhisthroat。"Oh！Hangit，oldboy，I

don’tthinkthat。Whatelsecouldyouhavedone？Youtaketoomuchonyourself。Afterall，they’refinegirls。I’msureNollie’sadarling。It’sthesemodernnotions，andthiswar。Cheerup！It’llalldrystraight。"Hewentuptohisbrotherandputahandonhisshoulder。Edwardseemedtostiffenunderthattouch。

"Nothingcomesstraight，"hesaid，"unlessit’sfaced;youknowthat，Bob。"

Robert’sfacewasastudyatthatmoment。Hischeeksfilledandcollapsedagainlikeadog’swhenithasbeenrebuked。Hiscolourdeepened，andherattledsomemoneyinatrouserpocket。

"Somethinginthat，ofcourse，"hesaidgruffly。"Allthesame，thedecision’swithNollie。We’llseewhatThirzasays。Anyway，there’snohurry。It’sathousandpitiesyou’reaparson;thetrouble’senoughwithoutthat:"

Edwardshookhishead。"Mypositionisnothing;it’sthethoughtofmychild，mywife’schild。It’ssheerpride;andIcan’tsubdueit。

Ican’tfightitdown。Godforgiveme，Irebel。"

AndRobertthought:’ByGeorge，hedoestakeittoheart！Well，soshouldI！Ido，asitis！’Hetookouthispipe，andfilledit，pushingthetobaccodownanddown。

"I’mnotamanoftheworld，"heheardhisbrothersay;"I’moutoftouchwithmanythings。It’salmostunbearabletometofeelthatI’mjoiningwiththeworldtocondemnmyowndaughter;notfortheirreasons，perhaps——Idon’tknow;Ihopenot，butstill，I’magainsther。"

Robertlithispipe。

"Steady，oldman！"hesaid。"It’samisfortune。ButifIwereyouIshouldfeel:’She’sdoneawild，sillything，but，hangit，ifanybodysaysawordagainsther，I’llwringhisneck。’Andwhat’smore，you’llfeelmuchthesame，whenitcomestothepoint。"Heemittedahugepuffofsmoke，whichobscuredhisbrother’sface，andtheblood，buzzinginhistemples，seemedtothickenthesoundofEdward’svoice。

"Idon’tknow;I’vetriedtoseeclearly。Ihaveprayedtobeshownwhatherdutyis，andmine。Itseemstometherecanbenopeaceforheruntilshehasatoned，byopensuffering;thattheworld’sjudgmentishercross，andshemustbearit;especiallyinthesedays，whenalltheworldisfacingsufferingsonobly。Andthenitseemssohard—sobitter;mypoorlittleNollie！"

Therewasasilence，brokenonlybythegurglingofRobert’spipe，tillhesaidabruptly:

"Idon’tfollowyou，Ted;no，Idon’t。Ithinkamanshouldscreenhischildrenallhecan。Talktoherasyoulike，butdon’tlettheworlddoit。Dashit，theworld’sarottengabblingplace。Icallmyselfamanoftheworld，butwhenitcomestoprivatematters——

well，thenIdrawtheline。Itseemstomeitseemstomeinhuman。

WhatdoesGeorgeLairdthinkaboutit？He’saknowingchap。I

supposeyou’ve——no，Isupposeyouhaven’t——"ForapeculiarsmilehadcomeonEdward’sface。

"No，"hesaid，"IshouldhardlyaskGeorgeLaird’sopinion。"

AndRobertrealisedsuddenlythestubbornlonelinessofthatthinblackfigure，whosefingerswereplayingwithalittlegoldcross。

’ByJove！’hethought，’IbelieveoldTed’slikeoneofthoseEasternchapswhogointolonelyplaces。He’sgothimselfsurroundedbyvisionsofthingsthataren’tthere。Helivesinunreality——

somethingwecan’tunderstand。Ishouldn’tbesurprisedifheheardvoices，like——whowasit？Tt，tt！Whatapity！’Tedwasdeceptive。

Hewasgentleand——allthat，agentlemanofcourse，andthatdisguisedhim;butunderneath;whatwasthere——aregularascetic，afakir！Andasenseofbewilderment，ofdealingwithsomethingwhichhecouldnotgrasp，besetBobPierson，sothathewentbacktothetable，andsatdownagainbesidehisport。

"Itseemstome，"hesaidrathergruffly，"thatthechickenhadbetterbehatchedbeforewecountit。"Andthen，sorryforhisbrusqueness，emptiedhisglass。Asthefluidpassedoverhispalate，hethought:’PooroldTed！Hedoesn’tevendrink——hasn’tapleasureinlife，sofarasIcansee，exceptdoinghisduty，anddoesn’tevenseemtoknowwhatthatis。Therearen’tmanylikehim——luckily！AndyetIlovehim——patheticchap！’

The"patheticchap"wasstillstaringattheflames。

3

Andatthisveryhour，whenthebrothersweretalking——forthoughtandfeelingdopassmysteriouslyovertheinvisiblewiresofspaceCyrilMorland’ssonwasbeingbornofNoel，alittlebeforehistime。

PARTIII

I

DownbytheRiverWye，amongplum—treesinblossom，Noelhadlaidherbabyinahammock，andstoodreadingaletter:

"MYDEARESTNOLLIE，"Nowthatyouarestrongagain，IfeelthatImustputbeforeyoumyfeelingastoyourdutyinthiscrisisofyourlife。Yourauntandunclehavemadethemostkindandgenerousoffertoadoptyourlittleboy。Ihaveknownthatthiswasintheirmindsforsometime，andhavethoughtitoverdayandnightforweeks。Intheworldlysenseitwouldbethebestthing，nodoubt。Butthisisaspiritualmatter。Thefutureofoursoulsdependsonhowwemeettheconsequencesofourconduct。Andpainful，dreadful，indeed，astheymustbe，Iamdriventofeelthatyoucanonlyreachtruepeacebyfacingtheminaspiritofbravehumility。Iwantyoutothinkandthink——tillyouarriveatacertaintywhichsatisfiesyourconscience。Ifyoudecide，asItrustyouwill，tocomebacktomeherewithyourboy，Ishalldoallinmypowertomakeyouhappywhilewefacethefuturetogether。Todoasyourauntanduncleintheirkindnesswish，would，Iamsoreafraid，endindeprivingyouoftheinnerstrengthandhappinesswhichGodonlygivestothosewhodotheirdutyandtrycourageouslytorepairtheirerrors。Ihaveconfidenceinyou，mydearchild。

"Everyourmostlovingfather，"EDWARDPIERSON。"

Shereaditthroughasecondtime，andlookedatherbaby。Daddyseemedtothinkthatshemightbewillingtopartfromthiswonderfulcreature！Sunlightfellthroughtheplumblossom，inanextrapatchworkquiltoverthebundlelyingthere，touchedthebaby’snoseandmouth，sothathesneezed。Noellaughed，andputherlipsclosetohisface。’Giveyouup！’shethought:’Oh，no！AndI’mgoingtobehappytoo。Theyshan’tstopme:

Inanswertothelettershesaidsimplythatshewascomingup;andaweeklatershewent，tothedismayofheruncleandaunt。Theoldnursewenttoo。EverythinghadhithertobeensocarefullywatchedandguardedagainstbyThirza，thatNoeldidnotreallycomefacetofacewithherpositiontillshereachedhome。

Gratian，whohadmanagedtogettransferredtoaLondonHospital，wasnowlivingathome。Shehadprovidedthehousewithnewmaidsagainsthersister’sreturn;andthoughNoelwasrelievednottomeetheroldfamiliars，sheencounteredwithdifficultythestolidcuriosityofnewfaces。ThatmorningbeforesheleftKestrel，heraunthadcomeintoherroomwhileshewasdressing，takenherlefthandandslippedalittlegoldbandontoitsthirdfinger。

"Topleaseme，Nollie，nowthatyou’regoing，justforthefoolish，whoknownothingaboutyou。"

Noelhadsuffereditwiththethought:’It’sallverysilly！’Butnow，whenthenewmaidwaspouringoutherhotwater，shewassuddenlyawareofthegirl’sroundblueeyeswandering，asitwere，mechanicallytoherhand。Thislittlehoopofgold，then，hadanawfulpower！Arushofdisgustcameoverher。Alllifeseemedsuddenlyathingofformsandsham。Everybodythenwouldlookatthatlittlering;andshewasacoward，savingherselffromthem！

Whenshewasaloneagain，sheslippeditoff，andlaiditonthewashstand，wherethesunlightfell。Onlythislittleshiningbandofmetal，thislittleyellowring，stoodbetweenherandtheworld’shostilescorn！Herlipstrembled。Shetookupthering，andwenttotheopenwindow;tothrowitout。Butshedidnot，uncertainandunhappy——halfrealisingthecrueltyoflife。Aknockatthedoorsentherflyingbacktothewashstand。ThevisitorwasGratian。

"I’vebeenlookingathim，"shesaidsoftly;"he’slikeyou，Nollie，exceptforhisnose。"

"He’shardlygotoneyet。Butaren’thiseyesintelligent？Ithinkthey’rewonderful。"Sheheldupthering:"WhatshallIdoaboutthis，Gratian？"

Gratianflushed。"Wearit。Idon’tseewhyoutsidersshouldknow。

ForthesakeofDadIthinkyouought。There’stheparish。"

Noelslippedtheringbackontoherfinger。"Wouldyou？"

"Ican’ttell。IthinkIwould。"

Noellaughedsuddenly。"I’mgoingtogetcynical;Icanfeelitinmybones。HowisDaddylooking？"

"Verythin;Mr。LauderisbackagainfromtheFrontforabit，andtakingsomeoftheworknow。"

"DoIhurthimverymuchstill？"

"He’sawfullypleasedthatyou’vecome。He’sassweetashecanbeaboutyou。"

"Yes，"murmuredNoel，"that’swhat’sdreadful。I’mgladhewasn’tinwhenIcame。Hashetoldanyone？"

Gratianshookherhead。"Idon’tthinkanybodyknows;unless——

perhapsCaptainFort。Hecameinagaintheothernight;andsomehow——"

Noelflushed。"Leila！"shesaidenigmatically。"Haveyouseenher？"

"IwenttoherflatlastweekwithDad——helikesher。"

"Delilahisherrealname，youknow。Allmenlikeher。AndCaptainFortisherlover。"

Gratiangasped。Noelwouldsaythingssometimeswhichmadeherfeeltheyoungerofthetwo。

"Ofcourseheis，"wentonNoelinahardvoice。"Shehasnomenfriends;hersortneverhave，onlylovers。Whydoyouthinkheknowsaboutme？"

"Whenheaskedafteryouhelooked——"

"Yes;I’veseenhimlooklikethatwhenhe’ssorryforanything。I

don’tcare。HasMonsieurLavendiebeeninlately？"

"Yes;helooksawfullyunhappy。"

"Hiswifedrugs。"

"Oh，Nollie！Howdoyouknow？"

"Isawheronce;I’msureshedoes;therewasasmell;andshe’sgotwanderingeyesthatgoallglassy。Hecanpaintmenow，ifhelikes。

Iwouldn’tlethimbefore。Doesbeknow？"

"Ofcoursenot。"

"Heknowstherewassomething;he’sgotsecondsight，Ithink。ButI

mindhimlessthananybody。IshispictureofDaddygood？"

"Powerful，butithurts，somehow。"

"Let’sgodownandseeit。"

Thepicturewashunginthedrawing—room，anditsintensemodernitymadethatold—fashionedroomseemlifelessandstrange。Theblackfigure，withlongpalefingerstouchingthepalerpianokeys，hadafrighteningactuality。Theface，three—quartersfull，wasraisedasifforinspiration，andtheeyesrested，dreamyandunseeing，onthefaceofagirlpaintedandhungonabackgroundofwallabovethepiano。

"It’sthefaceofthatgirl，"saidGratian，whentheyhadlookedatthepictureforsometimeinsilence:

"No，"saidNoel，"it’sthelookinhiseyes。"

"Butwhydidhechoosesuchahorrid，commongirl？Isn’tshefearfullyalive，though？Shelooksasifsheweresaying:

’Cheerio！’"

"Sheis;it’sawfullypathetic，Ithink。PoorDaddy！"

"It’salibel，"saidGratianstubbornly。

"No。That’swhathurts。Heisn’tquite——quiteallthere。Willhebecominginsoon？"

Gratiantookherarm，andpressedithard。"Wouldyoulikemeatdinnerornot;Icaneasilybeout？"

Noelshookherhead。"It’snogoodtofunkit。Hewantedme，andnowhe’sgotme。Oh！whydidhe？It’llbeawfulforhim。"

Gratiansighed。"I’vetriedmybest，buthealwayssaid:’I’vethoughtsolongaboutitallthatIcan’tthinkanylonger。Icanonlyfeelthebravercourseisthebest。Whenthingsarebravelyandhumblymet，therewillbecharityandforgiveness。’"

"Therewon’t，"saidNoel，"Daddy’sasaint，andhedoesn’tsee。"

"Yes，heisasaint。Butonemustthinkforoneself——onesimplymust。Ican’tbelieveashedoes，anymore;canyou，Nollie？"

"Idon’tknow。WhenIwasgoingthroughit，Iprayed;butIdon’tknowwhetherIreallybelieved。Idon’tthinkImindmuchaboutthat，onewayortheother。"

"Imindterribly，"saidGratian，"Iwantthetruth。"

"Idon’tknowwhatIwant，"saidNoelslowly，"exceptthatsometimesIwant——life;awfully。"

Andthetwosistersweresilent，lookingateachotherwithasortofwonder。

Noelhadafancytoputonabright—colouredbluefrockthatevening，andatherneckshehungaBretoncrossofoldpaste，whichhadbelongedtohermother。Whenshehadfinisheddressingshewentintothenurseryandstoodbythebaby’scot。Theoldnursewhowassittingtherebesidehim，gotupatonceandsaid:

"He’ssleepingbeautiful——thelamb。I’llgodownandgetacupo’

tea，andcomeup，ma’am，whenthegonggoes。"Inthewaypeculiartothosewhohavenevertoinitiate，butonlytosupportpositionsinwhichtheyareplacedbyothers，shehadadoptedforherselfthetheorythatNoelwasarealwar—widow。Sheknewthetruthperfectly;

forshehadwatchedthathurriedlittleromanceatKestrel，butbydintofcharityandblurredmeditationsitwaseasyforhertoimaginethemarriageceremonywhichwouldandshouldhavetakenplace;andshewaszealousthatotherpeopleshouldimagineittoo。