第17章

XII

WhenNoelfled，Forthadstartedforwardtostopher;then，realisingthatwithhislamenesshecouldnevercatchher，hewentbackandenteredLeila’sbedroom。

Shehadtakenoffherdress，andwasstandinginfrontofherglass，withthecigarettestillinhermouth;andtheonlymovementwasthecurlingofitsbluesmoke。Hecouldseeherfacereflected，pale，withalittlespotofredineachcheek，andburningredears。Shehadnotseemedtohearhimcomingin，buthesawhereyeschangewhentheycaughthisreflectioninthemirror。Fromlostandblank，theybecamealiveandsmouldering。

"Noel’sgone！"hesaid。

Sheanswered，asiftohisreflectionintheglass"Andyouhaven’tgonetoo？Ah，no！Ofcourse——yourleg！Shefled，Isuppose？Itwasratherajar，mycomingin，I’mafraid。"

"No;itwasmycominginthatwasthejar。"

Leilaturnedround。"Jimmy！Iwonderyoucoulddiscussme。Therest——"Sheshruggedhershoulders——"Butthat！"

"Iwasnotdiscussingyou。Imerelysaidyouwerenottobeenviedforhavingme。Areyou？"

Themomenthehadspoken，hewassorry。Theangerinhereyeschangedinstantly，firsttosearching，thentomisery。Shecriedout:

"Iwastobeenvied。Oh！Jimmy;Iwas！"andflungherselffacedownonthebed。

ThroughFort’smindwentthethought:’Atrocious！’Howcouldhesoothe——makeherfeelthathelovedher，whenhedidn’t——thathewantedher，whenhewantedNoel。Hewentuptothebedsideandtouchedhertimidly:

"Leila，whatisit？You’reovertired。What’sthematter？I

couldn’thelpthechild’sbeinghere。Whydoyouletitupsetyou？

She’sgone。It’sallright。Thingsarejustastheywere。"

"Yes！"camethestrangledecho;"just！"

Hekneltdownandstrokedherarm。Itshiveredunderthetouch，seemedtostopshiveringandwaitforthenexttouch，asifhopingitmightbewarmer;shiveredagain。

"Lookatme！"hesaid。"Whatisityouwant？I’mreadytodoanything。"

Sheturnedanddrewherselfuponthebed，screwingherselfbackagainstthepillowasifforsupport，withherkneesdrawnunderher。

Hewasastonishedatthestrengthofherfaceandfigure，thusentrenched。

"MydearJimmy！"shesaid，"Iwantyoutodonothingbutgetmeanothercigarette。Atmyageoneexpectsnomorethanonegets！Sheheldoutherthumbandfinger:"Doyoumind？"

Fortturnedawaytogetthecigarette。Withwhatbitterrestraintandcuriouslittlesmileshehadsaidthat！Butnosoonerwasheoutoftheroomandhuntingblindlyforthecigarettes，thanhismindwasfilledwithanachingconcernforNoel，fleeinglikethat，recklessandhurt，withnowheretogo。Hefoundthepolishedbirch—woodboxwhichheldthecigarettes，andmadeadesperateefforttodismisstheimageofthegirlbeforeheagainreachedLeila。Shewasstillsittingthere，withherarmscrossed，inthestillnessofonewhoseeverynerveandfibrewasstretchedtaut。

"Haveoneyourself，"shesaid。"Thepipeofpeace。"

Fortlitthecigarettes，andsatdownontheedgeofthebed;andhismindatoncewentbacktoNoel。

"Yes，"shesaidsuddenly;"Iwonderwhereshe’sgone。Canyouseeher？Shemightdosomethingrecklessasecondtime。PoorJimmy！Itwouldbeapity。Andsothatmonk’sbeenhere，anddrunkchampagne。

Goodidea！Getmesome，Jimmy！"

AgainFortwent，andwithhimtheimageofthegirl。Whenhecamebackthesecondtime;shehadputonthatdarksilkgarmentinwhichshehadappearedsuddenlyradiantthefatalnightaftertheQueen’sHallconcert。Shetookthewineglass，andpassedhim，goingintothesitting—room。

"Comeandsitdown，"shesaid。"Isyourleghurtingyou？"

"Notmorethanusual，"andhesatdownbesideher。

"Won’tyouhavesome？’Invinoveritas;’myfriend。"

Heshookhishead，andsaidhumbly:"Iadmireyou，Leila。"

"That’slucky。Idon’tknowanyoneelsewho，would。"Andshedrankherchampagneatadraught。

"Don’tyouwish，"shesaidsuddenly，"thatIhadbeenoneofthosewonderfulNewWomen，allbrainandgoodworks。HowIshouldhavetalkedtheUniverseupanddown，andthewar，andCauses，drinkingtea，andneverboringyoutotryandloveme。Whatapity！"

ButtoForttherehadcomeNoel’swords:"It’sawfullyfunny，isn’tit？"

"Leila，"hesaidsuddenly，"something’sgottobedone。Solongasyoudon’twishmeto，I’llpromisenevertoseethatchildagain。"

"Mydearboy，she’snotachild。She’sripeforlove;and——I’mtooripeforlove。That’swhat’sthematter，andI’vegottolumpit。"

Shewrenchedherhandoutofhisand，droppingtheemptyglass，coveredherface。TheawfulsensationwhichvisitsthetrueEnglishmanwhenascenestareshiminthefacespuninFort’sbrain。

Shouldheseizeherhands，dragthemdown，andkissher？Shouldhegetupandleaveheralone？Speak，orkeepsilent;trytoconsole;

trytopretend？Andhedidabsolutelynothing。Sofarasamancanunderstandthatmomentinawoman’slifewhensheacceptsthedefeatofYouthandBeauty，heunderstoodperhaps;butitwasonlyaglimmering。Heunderstoodmuchbetterhowshewasrecognisingonceforallthatshelovedwhereshewasnotloved。

’AndIcan’thelpthat，’hethoughtdumbly;’simplycan’thelpthat！’

Nothinghecouldsayordowouldalterit。Nowordscanconvinceawomanwhenkisseshavelostreality。Then，tohisinfiniterelief，shetookherhandsfromherface，andsaid:

"Thisisverydull。Ithinkyou’dbettergo，Jimmy。"

Hemadeanefforttospeak，butwastooafraidoffalsityinhisvoice。

"Verynearlyascene！"saidLeila。"MyGod！

Howmenhatethem！SodoI。I’vehadtoomanyinmytime;nothingcomesofthembutaheadachenextmorning。I’vesparedyouthat，Jimmy。Givemeakissforit。"

Hebentdownandputhislipstohers。Withallhishearthetriedtoanswerthepassioninherkiss。Shepushedhimawaysuddenly，andsaidfaintly:

"Thankyou;youdidtry！"

Fortdashedhishandacrosshiseyes。Thesightofherfacejustthenmovedhimhorribly。Whatabrutehefelt！Hetookherlimphand，putittohislips，andmurmured:

"Ishallcomeinto—morrow。We’llgotothetheatre，shallwe？Goodnight，Leila！"

But，inopeningthedoor，hecaughtsightofherface，staringathim，evidentlywaitingforhimtoturn;theeyeshadafrightenedlook。Theywentsuddenlysoft，sosoftastogivehisheartasqueeze。

Sheliftedherhand，blewhimakiss，andhesawhersmiling。

Withoutknowingwhathisownlipsanswered，hewentout。Hecouldnotmakeuphismindtogoaway，but，crossingtotherailings，stoodleaningagainstthem，lookingupatherwindows。Shehadbeenverygoodtohim。Hefeltlikeamanwhohaswonatcards，andsneakedawaywithoutgivingtheloserhisrevenge。Ifonlyshehadn’tlovedhim;andithadbeenasoullesscompanionship，aquitesordidbusiness。Anythingratherthanthis！Englishtothebackbone，hecouldnotdivesthimselfofasenseofguilt。Toseenowayofmakinguptoher，ofstraighteningitout，madehimfeelintenselymean。’ShallIgoupagain？’hethought。Thewindow—curtainmoved。

Thentheshredsoflightuptherevanished。’She’sgonetobed，’hethought。’Ishouldonlyupsetherworse。WhereisNoel，now，I

wonder？Ishallneverseeheragain，Isuppose。Altogetherabadbusiness。MyGod，yes！Abad—badbusiness！’

And，painfully，forhislegwashurtinghim，hewalkedaway。

Leilawasonlytoowellawareofatruththatfeelingsarenolessreal，poignant，andimportanttothoseoutsidemorality’sringfencethantothosewithin。Herfeelingswere，indeed，probablyevenmorerealandpoignant，justasawildfruit’sflavourissharperthanthatofthetameproduct。Opinion——sheknew——wouldsay，thathavingwilfullychosenapositionoutsidemoralityshehadnothalfthecaseforbrokenheartednessshewouldhavehadifForthadbeenherhusband:Opinion——sheknew——wouldsayshehadnoclaimonhim，andthesooneranillegaltiewasbroken，thebetter！Butshefeltfullyaswretchedasifshehadbeenmarried。Shehadnotwantedtobeoutsidemorality;neverinherlifewantedtobethat。Shewaslikethosewhobyconfessionshedtheirsinsandstartagainwithaclearconscience。Shenevermeanttosin，onlytolove，andwhenshewasinlove，nothingelsematteredforthemoment。But，thoughagambler，shehadalwayssofarpaidup。Only，thistimethestakesweretheheaviestawomancanputdown。Itwasherlastthrow;andsheknewit。Solongasawomanbelievedinherattraction，therewashope，evenwhenthecurtainfellonalove—affair！ButforLeilathelampofbeliefhadsuddenlygoneout，andwhenthisnextcurtaindroppedshefeltthatshemustsitinthedarkuntiloldagemadeherindifferent。Andbetweenforty—fourandrealoldageagulfisfixed。Thiswasthefirsttimeamanhadtiredofher。Why！hehadbeentiredbeforehebegan，orsoshefelt。Inoneswiftmomentasofadrowningperson，shesawagainallthepassagesoftheircompanionship，knewwithcertaintythatithadneverbeenagenuineflame。Shameran，consuming，inherveins。Sheburiedherfaceinthecushions。Thisgirlhadpossessedhisrealheartallthetime。

Withalaughshethought:’Iputmymoneyonthewronghorse;IoughttohavebackedEdward。Icouldhaveturnedthatpoormonk’shead。

IfonlyIhadneverseenJimmyagain;ifIhadtornhisletterup，I

couldhavemadepoorEdwardloveme！’Ifs！Whatfolly！Thingshappenedastheymust！

And，startingup，shebegantoroamthelittleroom。WithoutJimmyshewouldbewretched，withhimshewouldbewretchedtoo！’Ican’tbeartoseehisface，’shethought;’andIcan’tliveherewithouthim！It’sreallyfunny！’Thethoughtofherhospitalfilledherwithloathing。Togotheredayafterdaywiththisdespaireatingatherheart——shesimplycouldnot。Shewentoverherresources。Shehadmoremoneythanshethought;JimmyhadgivenheraChristmaspresentoffivehundredpounds。Shehadwantedtotearupthecheque，orforcehimtotakeitback;buttherealitiesofthepreviousfiveyearshadprevailedwithher，andshehadbankedit。

Shewasgladnow。Shehadnottoconsidermoney。Hermindsoughttoescapeinthepast。Shethoughtofherfirsthusband，RonnyFane;oftheirmosquito—curtainedroomsinthatghastlyMadrasheat。PoorRonny！Whatapale，cynicalyoungghoststartedupunderthatname。

ShethoughtofLynch，hishorsey，matter—of—factsolidity。Shehadlovedthemboth——foratime。Shethoughtoftheveldt，ofConstantia，andtheloomofTableMountainunderthestars;andthefirstsightofJimmy，hisstraightlook，thecurveofhiscrisphead，thekind，fighting—schoolboyfranknessofhisface。Evennow，afterallthosemonthsoftheircompanionship，thatlong—agoeveningatgrapeharvest，whenshesangtohimunderthescentedcreepers，wasthememoryofhimmostchargedwithrealfeeling。Thatoneeveningatanyratehehadlongedforher，eleven:yearsago，whenshewasinherprime。Shecouldhaveheldherownthen;Noelwouldhavecomeinvain。Tothinkthatthisgirlhadstillfifteenyearsbeforeshewouldbeeveninherprime。Fifteenyearsofwitchery;andthenanothertenbeforeshewasontheshelf。Why！ifNoelmarriedJimmy，hewouldbeanoldmandotingonherstill，bythetimeshehadreachedthisfatalageofforty—four:Shefeltasifshemustscream，and;stuffingherhandkerchiefintohermouth，turnedoutthelight。

Darknesscooledher，alittle。Shepulledasidethecurtains，andletinthemoonlight。Jimmyandthatgirlwereoutinitsomewhere，seekingeachother，ifnotinbody，theninthought。Andsoon，somehow，somewhere，theywouldcometogether——cometogetherbecauseFatemeantthemto！Fatewhichhadgivenheryoungcousinalikenesstoherself;placedher，too，injustsuchahopelesspositionasappealedtoJimmy，andgavehimachanceagainstyoungermen。Shesawitwithbittersurety。Goodgamblerscuttheirlosses！

Yes，andproudwomendidnotkeepunwillinglovers！Ifshehadevenanoutsidechance，shewouldtrailherpride，dragitthroughthemud，throughthorns！Butshehadnot。Andsheclenchedherfist，andstruckoutatthenight，asthoughatthefaceofthatFatewhichonecouldneverreach——impalpable，remorseless，surroundingFatewithitsfaintmockingsmile，devoidofallhumanwarmth。Nothingcouldsetbacktheclock，andgiveherwhatthisgirlhad。Timehad"doneherin，"asit"didin"everywoman，onebyone。Andshesawherselfgoingdowntheyears，powderingalittlemore，paintingalittlemore，touchingupherhair，tillitwasallartifice，holdingonbyeverylittledevice——andall，towhatend？Toseehisfacegetcolderandcolder，hearhisvoicemoreandmoreconstrainedtogentleness;andknowthatunderneath，aversionwasgrowingwiththethought’Youarekeepingmefromlife，andlove！’tilloneevening，insheernerve—break，shewouldsayordosomefearfulthing，andhewouldcomenomore。’No，Jimmy！’shethought;’findher，andstaywithher。You’renotworthallthat！’Andpuffingtothecurtains，asthoughwiththatgestureshecouldshutouthercreepingfate，sheturnedupthelightandsatdownatherwritingtable。Shestayedsomeminutesmotionless，herchinrestingonherhands，thedarksilkfallendownfromherarms。Alittlemirror，framedincuriouslycarvedivory，pickedupbyherinanIndianbazaartwenty—fiveyearsago，hungonalevelwithherfaceandgavethatfacebacktoher。

’I’mnotugly，’shethoughtpassionately，’I’mnot。Istillhavesomelooksleft。Ifonlythatgirlhadn’tcome。Anditwasallmydoing。Oh，whatmademewritetobothofthem，EdwardandJimmy？’

Sheturnedthemirroraside，andtookupapen。

"MYDEARJIMMY，"shewrote:"Itwillbebetterforusbothifyoutakeaholidayfromhere。Don’tcomeagaintillIwriteforyou。

I’msorryImadeyousomuchdisturbanceto—night。Haveagoodtime，andagoodrest;anddon’tworry。

"Your——"

Sofarshehadwrittenwhenateardroppedonthepage，andshehadtotearitupandbeginagain。Thistimeshewrotetotheend—"YourLeila。"’Imustpostitnow，’shethought，’orhemaynotgetitbeforeto—morrowevening。Icouldn’tgothroughwiththisagain。’

Shehurriedoutwithitandslippeditinapillarbox。Thenightsmelledofflowers;and，hasteningback，shelaydown，andstayedawakeforhours，tossing，andstaringatthedark。

XIII

1

Leilahadpluck，butlittlepatience。HeronethoughtwastogetawayandsheatoncebegansettlingupheraffairsandgettingapermittoreturntoSouthAfrica。Theexcitementsofpurchaseandpreparationwereasgoodananodyneasshecouldhavetaken。Theperilsoftheseawereatfulljustthen，andtheprospectofdangergaveherasortofpleasure。’IfIgodown，’shethought，’allthebetter;brisk，insteadoflonganddreary。’Butwhenshehadthepermitandhercabinwasbooked，theirrevocabilityofherstepcametoherwithfullforce。Shouldsheseehimagainorno？Herboatstartedinthreedays，andshemustdecide。Ifincompunctionheweretobeaffectionate，sheknewshewouldneverkeeptoherdecision，andthenthehorrorwouldbeginagain，tillagainshewasforcedtothissameaction。Sheletthehoursgoandgotilltheverydaybefore，whentheachetoseehimandthedreadofithadbecomesounbearablethatshecouldnotkeepquiet。Latethatafternoon——everything，tothelastlabel，ready——shewentout，stillundecided。Anitchtoturnthedaggerinherwound，toknowwhathadbecomeofNoel，tookhertoEdward’shouse。Almostunconsciouslyshehadputonherprettiestfrock，andspentanhourbeforetheglass。

Afeverishnessofsoul，morethanofbody，whichhadhungabouthereversincethatnight，gavehercolour。Shelookedherprettiest;

andsheboughtagardeniaatashopinBakerStreetandfasteneditinherdress。ReachingtheoldSquare，shewasastonishedtoseeaboardupwiththewords:"Tolet，"thoughthehousestilllookedinhabited。Sherang，andwasshownintothedrawing—room。Shehadonlytwicebeeninthishousebefore;andforsomereason，perhapsbecauseofherownunhappiness，theold，rathershabbyroomstruckheraspathetic，asifinhabitedbythepast。’Iwonderwhathiswifewaslike，’shethought:Andthenshesaw，hangingagainstastripofblackvelvetonthewall，thatfadedcoloursketchoftheslenderyoungwomanleaningforward，withherhandscrossedinherlap。Thecolouringwaslavenderandoldivory，withfainttouchesofrose。Theeyes，soliving，werealittlelikeGratian’s;thewholefacedelicate，eager，good。’Yes，’shethought，’hemusthavelovedyouverymuch。Tosaygood—byemusthavebeenhard。’ShewasstillstandingbeforeitwhenPiersoncamein。

"That’sadearface，Edward。I’vecometosaygood—bye。I’mleavingforSouthAfricato—morrow。"And，asherhandtouchedhis，shethought:’ImusthavebeenmadtothinkIcouldeverhavemadehimloveme。’

"Areyou——areyouleavinghim？"

Leilanodded:

"That’sverybrave，andwonderful。"

"Oh！no。Needsmustwhenthedevildrives——that’sall。Idon’tgiveuphappinessofmyownaccord。That’snotwithinahundredmilesofthetruth。WhatIshallbecome，Idon’tknow，butnothingbetter，youmaybesure。IgiveupbecauseIcan’tkeep，andyouknowwhy。

WhereisNoel？"

"Downatthesea，withGeorgeandGratian。"

Hewaslookingatherinwonder;andthepained，puzzledexpressiononhisfaceangeredher。

"Iseethehouseistolet。Who’dhavethoughtachildlikethatcouldrootuptwofossilslikeus？Nevermind，Edward，there’sthesamebloodinus。We’llkeepourendsupinourownways。Whereareyougoing？"

"They’llgivemeachaplaincyintheEast，Ithink。"

ForawildmomentLeilathought:’ShallIoffertogowithhim——thetwolostdogstogether？’

"Whatwouldhavehappened，Edward，ifyouhadproposedtomethatMayweek，whenwewere——alittlebitinlove？Whichwouldithavebeen，worstfor，youorme？"

"Youwouldn’thavetakenme，Leila。"

"Oh，oneneverknows。Butyou’dneverhavebeenapriestthen，andyou’dneverhavebecomeasaint。"

"Don’tusethatsillyword。Ifyouknew——"

"Ido;Icanseethatyou’vebeenhalfburnedalive;halfburnedandhalfburied！Well，youhaveyourreward，whateveritis，andImine。

Good—bye，Edward！"Shetookhishand。"Youmightgivemeyourblessing;Iwantit。"

Piersonputhisotherhandonhershoulderand，bendingforward，kissedherforehead。

ThetearsrushedupinLeila’seyes。"Ahme！"shesaid，"it’sasadworld！"Andwipingthequiveringoffherlipswiththebackofherglovedhand，shewentquicklypasthimtothedoor。Shelookedbackfromthere。Hehadnotstirred，buthislipsweremoving。’He’sprayingforme！’shethought。’Howfunny！’

2

Themomentshewasoutside，sheforgothim;thedreadfulacheforFortseemedtohavebeenwhippedupwithinher，asifthatfigureoflifelongrepressionhadinfuriatedtheloveoflifeandpleasureinher。ShemustandwouldseeJimmyagain，ifshehadtowaitandseekforhimallnight！Itwasnearlyseven，hewouldsurelyhavefinishedattheWarOffice;hemightbeathisCluborathisrooms。

Shemadeforthelatter。

ThelittlestreetnearBuckinghamGate，wherenowaghadchalked"Peace"onthedoorsfornearlyayearnow，hadanaridlookafterahotday’ssun。Thehair—dresser’sshopbelowhisroomswasstillopen，andtheprivatedoorajar:’Iwon’tring，’shethought;’I’llgostraightup。’Whileshewasmountingthetwoflightsofstairs，shestoppedtwice，breathless，fromapaininherside。Sheoftenhadthatpainnow，asifthelonginginherheartstraineditphysically。Onthemodestlandingatthetop，outsidehisrooms，shewaited，leaningagainstthewall，whichwascoveredwitharedpaper。

Awindowatthebackwasopenandtheconfusedsoundofsingingcamein——achorus"Vive—la，vive—la，vive—lave。Vivelacompagnie。"Soitcametoher。’OGod！’shethought:’Lethimbein，lethimbenicetome。It’sthelasttime。’And，sickfromanxiety，sheopenedthedoor。Hewasin——lyingonawicker—couchagainstthewallinthefarcorner，withhisarmscrossedbehindhishead，andapipeinhismouth;hiseyeswereclosed，andheneithermoved，noropenedthem，perhapssupposinghertobetheservant。Noiselessasacat，Leilacrossedtheroomtillshestoodabovehim。Andwaitingforhimtocomeoutofthatdefiantlethargy，shetookherfillofhisthin，bonyface，healthyandhollowatthesametime。Withteethclenchedonthepipeithadalookofhardresistance，asofamanwithhisheadback，hisarmspinionedtohissides，stiffenedagainstsomecreature，clingingandclimbingandtryingtodraghimdown。Thepipewasalive，anddribbledsmoke;andhisleg，theinjuredone，wriggledrestlessly，asifworryinghim;buttherestofhimwasasutterlyandobstinatelystillasthoughhewereasleep。Hishairgrewthickandcrisp，notathreadofgreyinit，theteethwhichheldthepipeglintedwhiteandstrong。Hisfacewasyoung;somuchyoungerthanhers。Whydidsheloveit——thefaceofamanwhocouldn’tloveher？Forasecondshefeltasifshecouldseizethecushionwhichhadslippeddownoffthecouch，andsmotherhimashelaythere，refusing，soitseemedtoher，tocometoconsciousness。

Lovedespised！Humiliation！Shenearlyturnedandstoleaway。Thenthroughthedoor，leftopen，behindher，thesoundofthatchorus:

"Vive—la，vive—la，vive—lave！"cameinandjoltedhernervesunbearably。Tearingthegardeniafromherbreast，sheflungitontohisupturnedface。

"Jimmy！"

Fortstruggledup，andstaredather。Hisfacewascomicfrombewilderment，andshebrokeintoalittlenervouslaugh。

"Youweren’tdreamingofme，dearJimmy，that’scertain。Inwhatgardenwereyouwandering？"

"Leila！You！How——howjolly！"

"How——howjolly！Iwantedtoseeyou，soIcame。AndIhaveseenyou，asyouare，whenyouaren’twithme。Ishallrememberit;itwasgoodforme——awfullygoodforme。"

"Ididn’thearyou。"

"Far，faraway，mydear。Putmygardeniain，yourbuttonhole。Stop，I’llpinitin。Haveyouhadagoodrestallthisweek？Doyoulikemydress？It’snew。Youwouldn’thavenoticedit，wouldyou？"

"Ishouldhavenoticed。Ithinkit’scharming。

"Jimmy，Ibelievethatnothing——nothingwillevershakeyourchivalry。"

"Chivalry？Ihavenone。"

"Iamgoingtoshutthedoor，doyoumind？"Buthewenttothedoorhimself，shutit，andcamebacktoher。Leilalookedupathim。

"Jimmy，ifeveryoulovedmealittlebit，benicetometoday。AndifIsaythings——ifI’mbitter——don’tmind;don’tnoticeit。

Promise！"

"Ipromise。"

Shetookoffherhatandsatleaningagainsthimonthecouch，sothatshecouldnotseehisface。Andwithhisarmroundher，sheletherselfgo，deepintothewatersofillusion;down—down，tryingtoforgettherewasasurfacetowhichshemustreturn;likealittlegirlsheplayedthatgameofmake—believe。’Helovesme—helovesme—

helovesme！’Toloseherselflikethatfor，justanhour，onlyanhour;shefeltthatshewouldgivetherestofthetimevouchsafedtoher;giveitallandwillingly。Herhandclaspedhisagainstherheart，sheturnedherfacebackward，uptohis，closinghereyessoasstillnottoseehisface;thescentofthegardeniainhiscoathurther，sosweetandstrongitwas。

3

Whenwithherhatonshestoodreadytogo，itwasgettingdark。Shehadcomeoutofherdreamnow，wasplayingatmake—believenomore。

Andshestoodwithastonysmile，inthehalf—dark，lookingbetweenherlashesatthemortifiedexpressiononhisunconsciousface。

"PoorJimmy！"shesaid;"I’mnotgoingtokeepyoufromdinneranylonger。No，don’tcomewithme。I’mgoingalone;anddon’tlightup，forheaven’ssake。"

Sheputherhandonthelapelofhiscoat。"Thatflower’sgonebrownattheedges。Throwitaway;Ican’tbearfadedflowers。Norcanyou。Getyourselfafreshonetomorrow。"

Shepulledtheflowerfromhisbuttonholeand，crushingitinherhand，heldherfaceup。

"Well，kissmeoncemore;itwon’thurtyou。"

Foronemomentherlipsclungtohiswithalltheirmight。Shewrenchedthemaway，feltforthehandleblindly，openedthedoor，and，shuttingitinhisface，wentslowly，swayingalittle，downthestairs。Shetrailedaglovedhandalongthewall，asifitssoliditycouldhelpher。Atthelasthalf—landing，whereacurtainhung，dividingoffbackpremises，shestoppedandlistened。Therewasn’tasound。’IfIstandherebehindthiscurtain，’shethought，’Ishallseehimagain。’Sheslippedbehindthecurtain，closedrawnbutforalittlechink。Itwassodarktherethatshecouldnotseeherownhand。Sheheardthedooropen，andhisslowfootstepscomingdownthestairs。Hisfeet，knees，wholefigurecameintosight，hisfacejustadimblur。Hepassed，smokingacigarette。Shecrammedherhandagainsthermouthtostopherselffromspeakingandthecrushedgardeniafilledhernostrilswithitscold，fragrantvelvet。Hewasgone，thedoorbelowwasshut。Awild，half—stupidlongingcameonhertogoupagain，waittillhecamein，throwherselfuponhim，tellhimshewasgoing，beghimtokeepherwithhim。Ah！andhewould！Hewouldlookatherwiththathaggardpityshecouldnotbear，andsay，"Ofcourse，Leila，ofcourse。"No！ByGod，no！"Iamgoingquietlyhome，"shemuttered;"justquietlyhome！Comealong，bebrave;don’tbeafool！Comealong！"Andshewentdownintothestreet:AttheentrancetotheParkshesawhim，fiftyyardsinfront，dawdlingalong。And，asifshehadbeenhisshadowlengthenedouttothatfardistance，shemovedbehindhim。Slowly，alwaysatthatdistance，shefollowedhimundertheplane—trees，alongtheParkrailings，pastSt。James’sPalace，intoPallMall。Hewentupsomesteps，andvanishedintohisClub。Itwastheend。Shelookedupatthebuilding;amonstrousgranitetomb，alldark。Anemptiedcabwasjustmovingfromthedoor。Shegotin。"CamelotMansions，St。

John’sWood。"Andbracedagainstthecushions，panting，andclenchingherhands，shethought:’Well，I’veseenhimagain。Hardcrust’sbetterthannobread。Oh，God！Allfinished——notacrumb，notacrumb！Vive—la，vive—la，vive—lave。Vive—lacompagnie！’

XIV

Forthadbeenlyingthereaboutanhour，sleepingandawake，beforethatvisit:Hehaddreamedacuriousandwonderfullyemotionalisingdream。Alonggreyline，inadimlight，neitherofnightnormorning，thewholelengthofthebattle—frontinFrance，charginginshortdrives，whichcarriedthelinealittleforward，withjustatinypauseandsuck—back;thenonagainirresistibly，onandon;andateachrush，everyvoice，hisownamongthem，shouted"Hooray！theEnglish！Hooray！theEnglish！"Thesensationofthatadvancingtideofdimfiguresingreylight，thethrobandroar，thewonderful，rhythmicsteadydriveofit，nomoretobestoppedthanthewavesofanincomingtide，wasgloriouslyfascinating;lifewasnothing，deathnothing。"Hooray，theEnglish！"Inthatdream，hewashiscountry，hewaseveryoneofthatlongchargingline，drivingforwardin。

thosegreatheavingpulsations，irresistible，onandon。Outoftheverycentreofthisintoxicatingdreamhehadbeendraggedbysomestreetnoise，andhadclosedhiseyesagain，inthevainhopethathemightdreamitontoitsend。Butitcamenomore;andlightinghispipe，helaytherewonderingatitsfervid，fantasticrealism。Deathwasnothing，ifhiscountrylivedandwon。Inwakinghoursheneverhadquitethatsingle—heartedknowledgeofhimself。Andwhatmarvellouslyrealtouchesgotmixedintothefantasticstuffofdreams，asifsomethingwereatworktoconvincethedreamerinspiteofhimself——"Hooray！"not"Hurrah！"Justcommon"Hooray！"And"theEnglish，"nottheliterary"British。"Andthenthesoftflowerhadstruckhisforehead，andLeila’svoicecried:"Jimmy！"